The Abduction Strategy

By Kalina

“It’s risky, but I really think it will work.”

Harry Potter paced the war room, the space set aside in the Hogwarts dungeon for top-secret strategy sessions and practice with experimental hexes and curses. The room was bleak and utilitarian, with stone walls and floor and a few reasonably comfortable chairs arranged around a battered conference table. There was a bookshelf – Hermione’s contribution – and a coffeepot and teapot sat on a table in one corner. The house-elves weren’t allowed in the war room, so after a lengthy strategy session the beverage table was always littered with dirty cups and spoons and stained by spills that had been allowed to dry where they happened. It remained that way until one of them got around to cleaning it up; that was usually Hermione’s contribution as well.

“There has to be another way.” Severus Snape’s voice was heavy with dread. “Something else.”

Harry shook his head. “If we can actually pull this off, I think it will accomplish all the objectives. It’s a good plan.”

“A good plan?” Snape sneered. “It’s insanity itself. Do you know how many laws we’d be breaking?”

“Well, quite a few,” Harry admitted. “But it’s not a problem unless we get caught – and think of the payoff.”

“Harry’s right, Snape,” Ron said. “It’s brilliant and really quite simple. We just find out where he is, and then we go get him. It’ll be smooth sailing from there.”

“We just find out where he is, and then we go get him,” Snape mocked, and then his voice turned deadly. “Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but that’s called kidnapping. And then, to get him to do what we need him to do, we’ll probably have to use the Imperius curse. That’s an Unforgivable, in case you’ve forgotten. This is important, but I’m not sure it’s worth a lifetime in Azkaban. At least not when there are other ways.”

“There are plenty of other ways,” Harry snapped, “but you haven’t made use of them, have you? You got yourself into this mess, and we’re trying to help you get out of it. Do you want our help or not?”

Snape put his head into his hands, letting his dark hair sweep forward to further hide his expression. Blast them for being right! He really had no other place to turn, at this point, and Harry Potter had grown into a brilliant strategist during the course of the war. It had been a struggle, at first, but eventually Snape had to accept that they were on the same side and that dismissing Harry’s abilities because of his personal feelings about the man would serve no one. A relationship of grudging respect had developed, and now, when he had gotten himself into a situation he simply couldn’t resolve on his own, he had grit his teeth and approached Potter to ask his advice. Potter had brought in Weasley, and now the two were trying to convince him to do this insane thing.

“What do I have to do?” he said finally, speaking into his hands.

“That’s our Snape!” Harry said proudly, exchanging a high five with Ron. “Okay, here’s the plan…”

 

§ § § §
 

In the end, it was simplicity itself, just as Ron had predicted. Muggles were so defenceless, really. The man was staying at a hotel, and even though the front desk wouldn’t release his room number, it was easy to hide under the invisibility cloak for a morning and wait for him to appear. He was slim, quite fit for his age, with thinning blondish hair. Harry recognized him immediately, but Severus had never seen him before and examined the man closely.  If he was going to go to Azkaban for kidnapping and cursing the man, he wanted to know first what all the fuss was about. He didn’t see it, frankly. He was just a Muggle. They all looked alike to Snape.

They followed the man to his room and entered just after he did, causing him to wheel around in surprise at the sight of a locked door opening to…no one, apparently.

“What the…”

Harry pulled off the invisibility cloak and flashed the man a smile. “Sorry to bother you…Mr. Sumner, isn’t it?”

The man’s eyes narrowed. “Yes,” he said uncertainly, “but I usually go by…”

“We know,” Harry said, still smiling. “We need you to do us a little favour.”

“You need to speak to my…”

“Sorry,” Harry said. “No time for that. You need to come with us right now.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible.” The Muggle was clearly angry but trying to be polite, unsure of what risk was associated with angering the two men who had just broken into his suite. The one talking seemed pleasant enough, but the other one was…well, tall, dark, and scary summed it up rather well.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Snape said, removing a small vial from his robes. “You need to drink this, Mr. Sumner.”

“Oh, no.” The man’s eyes widened and he backed away. “No way. Listen – I don’t know who you are, but I want you out of my room. I’ll call the police…”

Harry seemed to find that funny, but Snape couldn’t imagine why. He just thought it was pathetic. Muggles in general were pathetic.

Harry spoke again, trying to sound soothing. “Really, sir, it would be much better if you’d just drink the potion. It’s just a sleeping draught, so we can transport you to Hogwarts – a school,” he added hastily. “Nothing frightening, I promise, and no one’s going to hurt you as long as you cooperate.”

“I’m not drinking that.” The man was clearly getting angry.

“Fine,” Snape snapped, raising his wand.

“You want me to do it?” Harry asked.

“No. This is my problem. I’ll do it.”

“Please,” the man said, eyes crossing as he stared down the point of the wand. “I have six kids…”

“You’ll still have them when we’re finished with you,” Snape said. “Stupefy.”

The man crashed to the ground, and it was easy from there. Harry performed a reducing spell, making the man small enough to hold in one hand. He picked him up carefully. “Let’s go.”

Snape nodded, and the two wizards Apparated to Hogsmeade.

“Wanna stop in for a drink?” Harry asked, nodding in the direction of the Three Broomsticks.

Snape glared at him. “Need I remind you that you have a stolen Muggle in your pocket?”

Harry shrugged. “He’s stunned. Anyway, it was just a thought.”

“It was a stupid thought. One of many stupid thoughts you’ve had lately. Let’s get back to Hogwarts and see if Weasley has everything set for tonight.”

 

§ § § §
 

Ron’s preparations were still underway, but he had enlisted the help of several staff members and didn’t seem to need their assistance. “You got him?” Ron whispered, glancing in Dumbledore’s direction to be sure he wasn’t overheard.

“Got him,” Harry said, patting his pocket gently. “We’re going to head back to the war room and brief him on tonight.”

Back in the dungeon, Harry settled the tiny Muggle in one of the chairs. “Engorgio.”

Once the man was back to his normal size, head lolling against the back of the chair, Snape drew his wand. “Ennervate.”

A few sleepy blinks, and the Muggle looked around the dungeon room, clearly terrified. “Where am I?”

“Hogwarts,” Harry said. “It’s a school, just like I told you before. We have a little job for you to do tonight.”

“I hardly think…”

“Listen,” Harry said reasonably. “There are ways that we can make you do this, but we’d really rather not use them. All you have to do is this one thing,” he slapped a piece of parchment in front of the man, “and then we’ll take you back to your hotel and fix it so you forget the whole thing. No harm done.”

“No harm done,” the man said bitterly, but he picked up the parchment and read it. “This is it? This is all you want me to do?”

“That’s it.” Harry said.

“What about backup? I don’t normally work alone.”

“All taken care of,” Harry said confidently. “You do your part, and we’ll take care of the rest.”

The man looked at the wand in Harry’s hand. “Don’t have much choice, do I?”

“None,” Snape said, his sinister voice causing the Muggle’s eyes to widen again.

“All right then.”

 

§ § § §
 

“SURPRISE!”

Hermione’s eyes grew huge as she entered the staff room, which had been decorated by Professor Dumbledore, and then undecorated by Ron, all day long. From the looks of things, Dumbledore had won in the end, and the room was a blaze of colour, with the traditional balloons and streamers but also clouds, rainbows, birds, and various types of vegetation. The birds kept getting tangled in the balloons, and the occasional mind shattering “pop” increased the level of excitement in the room.

She was immediately caught up in hugs from her fellow staff members, passed from one to the other to accept their felicitations. She beamed at the sight of Harry and Ron standing together.

“You two! I didn’t even know you were here at Hogwarts!” She hugged them each in turn.

“You know we wouldn’t miss your birthday this year,” Harry said. “Now that the war is behind us, we want to celebrate every chance we get.”

“I’m so glad,” she said, hugging them again. “This is the best surprise ever.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Ron said, and Harry elbowed him in the ribs.

“What are you two up to?” she asked suspiciously.

“Not a thing,” Harry said.

Snape was standing quietly in a corner, and having greeted the masses, Hermione made her way over to him.

“Were you going to wish me happy birthday?” she asked softly.

“I was waiting for the crowd to disperse.”

“It seems to have done that,” she said, glancing around. Having greeted the birthday girl, the staff was now helping themselves to the lavish refreshments, chattering and enjoying the break from the students.

“So it has,” he said quietly. “Happy birthday, Hermione.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against her cheek and then quickly pulled away, glancing around to see if the gesture had been noticed.

She smiled and gave his hand a brief squeeze. “Thank you. I hope you don’t mind if I ask you to improve on that later, when we’re alone.”

He very nearly smiled. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Okay!” Ron called. “Time for the birthday girl to open her presents!”

Hermione was soon seated at a table surrounded by a huge pile of gifts. She had opened two from her parents that morning and had expected something from Severus, but she certainly hadn’t expected anything of this magnitude. She received books, of course, from practically everyone, but Ginny had sent a gown that made her blush and close the box quickly before everyone else saw.

“She wanted to be here,” Harry said. “Couldn’t get away.”

“Just too afraid to show her face,” Hermione muttered, still blushing.

Harry and Ron had splurged and bought her an owl, and she beamed as she stroked its soft feathers. “She’s beautiful,” Hermione said sincerely.

“So you can keep in touch more easily,” Ron said, his voice slightly gruff. “Seems odd being apart now.”

“It does,” Hermione agreed. “I promise to keep her busy.”

She had come to the end of her gifts and received nothing from Severus, which caused a brief pang, but then she realized that he might be saving his gift for sometime when they were alone. She caught his eye briefly and gave him a smile.

“Er, there’s just one more,” Ron said. “From Professor Snape. I’d like to ask everyone to have a seat, please. Birthday girl up front.”

A murmur ran through the staff, but they all complied, moving to find seats.

“I can’t see a thing,” Flitwick complained shrilly. “Hagrid, you need to move to the back.”

Hagrid heaved his bulk up out of the chair, grumbling as he went to find a place at the back of the room. “Always do get stuck in back of ev’rybody else.”

“Well, Hagrid, it is only fair,” Dumbledore said. “You do rather block the view.”

“Speaking of blocking the view,” McGonagall said waspishly, “Albus, perhaps you could remove your hat if you’re going to sit in front of me. We all promise not to look at your bald spot.”

“My dear Professor McGonagall!” Dumbledore exclaimed, removing his tall, pointed wizard’s hat. “You surely don’t think me as vain as all that. And besides, I have far more hair than most men my age.”

She snorted. “There are no other men your age.”

“See there?” He beamed as if he had made an excellent point and then glanced around the room. “Everyone settled now? Sybil, can you see?”

“She doesn’t need to,” Sprout whispered to Hermione. “She already knows what’s going to happen.”

Hermione giggled. “Well I don’t,” she said, glancing at Severus, who was seated on her other side. “I can’t wait.”

Harry took the seat on Snape’s other side, and Ron, seeing that everyone was settled, sent the room into total darkness with a muttered “nox.” With another flick of his wand, a spot-lit stage appeared, and a very nervous Muggle walked out into the light.

“Er, good evening,” he said to the small crowd. “I’m not normally one to get stage fright, but, uh, under the circumstances, I’m a bit nervous tonight. I’ll ask that you all be patient with me.”

“Oh my goodness,” Hermione gasped. “That’s…”

“I’ve been asked to sing a song tonight for Miss Hermione Granger. Where are you, Hermione?”

Hermione rose partway from her chair and raised a hesitant hand.

“Happy birthday, Hermione. This particular song is especially to you, from Severus.” The man gave her a faint smile and then looked in Harry’s direction. “What am I supposed to do about backup?”

“Here you go,” Harry said, and a second after he drew his wand strains of music filled the room.

The Muggle nodded and took a deep breath.

Though I’ve tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I’ve had for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I’ve done from the start.

Snape turned a murderous look on Harry. “What’s that he’s singing?” he hissed. “That’s not the song you played for me.”

“’S good though, isn’t it?” Harry said innocently.

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on.

“My life wasn’t tragic,” Snape muttered.

“Wasn’t exactly a picnic either,” Ron returned.

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It’s a big enough umbrella
But it’s always me that ends up getting wet.

“Oh Severus,” Hermione whispered, squeezing his arm and looking at him through misty eyes. He thought it was a stupid song, but maybe Potter had been right – Hermione certainly seemed to be enjoying it.

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she’ll marry me in some old fashioned way

Snape stared at Harry, clenched by a cold fury.

But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

The final refrain was somewhat ruined by the fact that Snape’s wand was pointed at Harry throughout. Hermione, wrapped up in the music, didn’t notice until the last note died away along with the polite smattering of applause from the Hogwarts staff.
 
“Severus, what’s wrong?” Hermione asked, wiping the tears from her eyes and noticing that his arm had gone rigid beneath her fingers. “That was just…well, it was the best birthday present anyone ever gave me. How on earth did you manage to get him to come and sing just for me?”

“I’d like to know that too,” the man on the stage muttered, forgetting that his voice was magically amplified.

“Wait a minute,” Hermione said, jumping out of her seat and staring at Severus and Harry. “You didn’t…”

“It was Potter’s idea,” Severus snarled, still brandishing his wand. “I couldn’t think of anything to get you, and the brilliant strategist here said it would be the perfect birthday present.”

“He’s a brilliant war strategist, Severus. He’s a complete dolt when it comes to romance! How could you let him talk you into kidnapping this poor man?”

“We didn’t kidnap him, really,” Harry said. “We just sort of borrowed him for the night. We’re going to take him back.”

“You don’t borrow people!” Hermione shrieked.

“Well, it does seem that Harry’s idea was rather, er, unorthodox,” Dumbledore said soothingly, coming forward to arbitrate, “but I think I do think both he and Severus meant well, and Mr. …I’m sorry, but I don’t follow Muggle music, what is your name, sir?”

“Sting.”

“Well, then, Mr. Sting doesn’t seem to have been harmed, Hermione, and you did rather enjoy the song, didn’t you?”

“Well, of course I did. It was the most thrilling thing that’s ever happened to me until I found out the poor man had been kidnapped. I am so sorry.” She looked at Sting apologetically. “I hope you know I would never, ever condone what they did to you.”

“Just so long as I get to go home soon,” he answered, accepting the apology with ill grace.

“Of course, of course,” Dumbledore said. “We just need to settle one more small point. I was listening rather carefully whilst Mr. Sting was performing, and I think that there was some mention made of marriage. Severus, would you like to marry Hermione?”

“I…er...” Snape was uncommonly flustered by the question and by the fact that the scene was taking place in front of their colleagues, all of whom were rooted to their seats and staring holes in his robes, but he managed to find his tongue and speak fluidly, if without his usual eloquence. He turned to Hermione. “I meant only to surprise you with having one of your favourite singers perform for your birthday. I didn’t choose the song.”

Hermione’s eyes flashed briefly with disappointment, and she nodded. “I understand.”

“I’m not finished,” he said softly. “I didn’t choose the song, and I wouldn’t have chosen to propose to you in such a way. In fact, I plan to hex your friend Potter the first moment his back is turned. But since we’re here, and since the subject has come up…” The entire room held its breath. “Will you marry me, Hermione?”

She smiled. “Only if you promise not to abduct anyone to sing at the wedding.”

“I think I can safely make that promise.”

“Then, yes. I would love to marry you.”

A burst of applause greeted her answer, and she threw her arms around Severus and kissed him, completely forgetting his feelings about public displays of affection. He seemed to forget them too, for that matter, and kissed her back with enthusiasm.

Dumbledore clearly felt proud of his role in the affair, and began embracing anyone who would stand still long enough to let him. Harry let out a whoop of delight, both at Hermione’s happiness and at what he felt was a very narrow escape from a duel, and he and Ron once again exchanged high fives.

“Excuse me, but now that that’s settled…” Everyone looked up at the stage.

“Of course,” Hermione said, holding tight to Severus’s hand and approaching Sting. “Thank you so much.” She gave the kidnapped musician her brightest smile. “You’ve done so much already, and under such strange circumstances, but is there any chance you could sing one more song for us?”

Sting looked at the couple before him. Even the tall, dark, and scary one looked pretty happy, and he had had something to do with that. “Sure,” he said. “I’m here anyway. What would you like to hear?”

Hermione reached up and whispered in his ear and then glanced at Severus and confessed shyly, “It was my favourite song when I was a student here.”

Sting winked at her and then began to sing a cappella.

Young teacher, the subject
of schoolgirl fantasies
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be...

Snape felt his face flush and immediately began formulating his own strategy – one that involved thanking Harry Potter profusely and then killing him with his bare hands.
 

 The End