At Any Moment II

Albus II

By OzRatbag2

About two o’clock in the afternoon...

Severus is absolutely impossible to deal with once he’s made his mind up about something. In fact, I might even go so far as to say he is even worse now than he ever was when he knew he was right about something. All I had to deal with then was a smirk, not a belligerent overgrown child determined to do anything other than something that commonsense tells me is a completely ridiculous notion. He even had the temerity to suggest I had kept him tethered to me like a ‘faithful puppy’. That opinion is so appalling that I’m not even sure how to start to go about redressing that misconception...if indeed I even can.

Stupid, impossible man that he is, I’m sure Severus will have contingency plans, but how it galls me to think that in a few short hours he will leave Hogwarts for the Muggle world. Of all the insane ideas I’ve heard throughout my life, Severus Snape volunteering to live a Muggle life would have been cause for more merriment than serious jostling on the betting tally sheet. I just dread to think what will happen once he finds the Muggle world less to his liking than the rose coloured glasses he currently has glued to his face.

Life isn’t simple. Life is never ever simple, no matter how I or others would wish it were so.  

Just before midnight...

I’ve experienced just about every emotion tonight. Anger, despair, worry and now I’ve just come inside after sitting on the steps at the main entrance.

I still can’t believe that Severus is actually gone. I don’t think I could feel any more adrift if he had died, rather than the more crafty and secretive exit from the castle a mere three hours ago. Of all those whom I’ve known in my long life, all I could think about from my perch on the steps was the chilling beauty of the full moon carpeting the grounds in front of me. It’s a trite bit of whimsy to imagine that same moon lighting Severus’ path to the school boundary and it leaves me quite unsettled at his haste to leave on a night that would have normally seen him do almost anything other than set foot outside your protective wards.  

I thought of Remus, as he is the one person who has continued to seek acceptance in our world. He is an outsider – an untouchable, and an unpalatable reality to many. II were not such a night, I would wonder how a man could throw off his heritage willingly when others try with all their might to fight one of the oldest prejudices in our world. Remus has always had to ‘make do’, biding his time for some small sliver of opportunity, only to watch as fear pervades and extinguishes the hope that some small advancement in knowledge and acceptance might just be forthcoming. A cruel blow all in all.

I left my spot on the steps not long after that rambling bit of introspection, but the only emotions I can feel now, are weariness and worry.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, Arcanus. I could cheerfully ring Severus’ neck at the moment, but I shall save that treat for my dear Minerva. I don’t think Severus knows just how much he annoyed those, who in their own quiet ways, have always considered him a friend of sorts, particularly with everything he’s had to deal with all these years. That won’t stop Minerva hexing him first and asking questions later of course, but oh, to be a fly on the wall when it happens. I’d like to think the merriment of that eventuality might lift me out of my melancholy, but it hasn’t.

I simply don’t know why he’s done it! To just up and leave, with no consideration that others might like some time to talk with him, reassure themselves and surreptitiously ask some pointed questions about his plans for the future. I don’t even know how he’s going to support himself in the Muggle world and he can hardly open an apothecary and sell his usual stock, can he?

Oh, don’t bother, Arcanus. It’s a silly question and I know full well you’re just going to let me ramble on until I come to some solution or simply set this mess aside for another time.

I have to go and find Minerva now. She looked as though she’d been crying earlier when she came back from her excursion to see Hermione. She never could hide her puffy eyes and the telltale red patch she always gets just under her nose. She did at least have the wherewithal to stop me haring after Severus, but I still wish I could find some way to track his movements. The only real problem is, that if Severus ever found out about that breach of trust, he’d never forgive me and never come home if he tired of this nonsense.

I don’t think I can stand the thought of more tears and guilt from Minerva, but I’d best go and see if she’s still up. If worst comes to worst, I may just avail myself of the empty rooms near the Slytherin common room tonight. Yes, I’d be hiding out; running from more upsetting developments, but Minerva knows me well enough to leave me alone if I get like that.  

Really, Albus, have you forgotten so soon?

No, you are right, old friend. The hurt I caused her such a short time ago still weighs on me, but I was so angry with you that I simply couldn’t see anything other than my own turmoil. I don’t really want to test her prowess with a wand tonight. She’d hex me first and then go after Severus, and though the second part of her plans is something I wouldn’t miss for anything, it’s the thought that I would have disappointed her again that I simply cannot abide.  

About eight o’clock in the morning... 

Well, I do feel better this morning and I know I should have ‘talked’ to you more last night, but my goodness, what a night. All of the unresolved turmoil surrounding Severus’ movements, the humour of the students’, all shocked into realising that Severus was actually leaving the school, and then a healthy dollop of hope regarding Minerva.

I had no idea that she’d progressed to the point of knowing absolutely that both Lucius and Draco were beyond her help, but she did have those sparkling blue eyes full of unshed tears when she told me that she would have just liked the chance to know why Draco was reaching forward. I couldn’t burst her bubble and tell her that I felt that it wasn’t the tender moment she has willed herself to believe. I simply nodded my head, held her hand gently and caressed it as she told me everything that had transpired during her very long luncheon with Miss Granger.

How it must have been hard for the pair of them to open themselves up so much. I almost wish I had been there to talk it all through with them, but I also know that the afternoon would not have been quite so productive with my presence. Sometimes, I feel as though I really don’t know Minerva, or perhaps it is that I don’t know myself, my limits...or my understanding of things. The school runs itself to a degree and after so many years with few hiccups to dismantle, other than those wrought by teenagers settling scores for whatever misdemeanour. It’s much harder...well, I’ve always felt it was much harder to work out the nuances of my private life, my place in relationship to those around me.

I still don’t know the answer to that bit of nonsense, but perhaps it is that I was never meant to know everything absolutely.

I think I need a day away as well to do something purely for myself. I’ve so much to say, but it’s all a jumble at the moment and I know I’m rambling.  

I’d best leave a message for Minerva, so she doesn’t think I’ve headed into London to look for Severus after my previous promise not to do so. She’s having a lie-in this morning and left the organisation of the students to Filius and Poppy.

I wonder just what I should do today?