Heart Over Mind

Part XXVI: When I See You Again

By Regann

Hermione,

Given that you left here in a fit of anger, I hope that you'll actually read this and not just throw it away as soon as it arrives. I also hope that you made it back to Peru safely -- of course, I can only hope because I've heard nothing from you since the day you stormed out of the house with your… Professor Snape. I know you're angry but I really don't think your dramatic departure was necessary.

However, I am trying to be understanding at the moment. Grant me some of the same, please?

Cara, you have to know that I've only reacted the way I have because I love you and I worry about you, like any mother should. I know that in many ways, I've given you a great deal of independence -- too much, some have said on occasion -- but I did it with the belief that I'd given you proper the tools to make the right decisions.

Meeting Professor Snape was truly the first time I doubted that fact.

I'm sorry that my honest opinion will upset you but you must see where I'm coming from. I do have a right to my reservations, anyone would if her barely-out-of-her-teens daughter brought home a man old enough to be her father. Perhaps I could've been more polite to the Professor when he came but it was still a shock; I hadn't had time to process it all.

It may not seem this way but I'm not writing to start an argument. I just wanted a chance to explain myself and to make sure that you're fine -- and still speaking to me.

I fervently hope that this is not lining a wastebasket somewhere.

mi manchi as always,
Mama

Mama,

I'm going to ignore all the inflammatory words in your letter and concentrate on what I believe is the core sentiment -- your concern and love. I do understand both of them but I don't think you understand mine at all.

In order to soothe the worries that I know you're harboring over this point, I want you to know that I did not spend the remainder of my time in Britain with Severus -- I went to stay at the Burrow.

You weren't the only person who was shocked by my news and I had other relationships to mend. I figured that with both of us refusing to budge at that particular moment, nothing we said to each other would have had much effect other than continuing the hard feelings.

Harry and Ron are slowly coming around to acceptance but they still turn a bit green whenever it passes their minds, I can tell. Ron himself had a few meals he couldn't finish when the topic came up over dinner.

It's funny because I never thought that my strongest ally in the Weasley household would be Molly Weasley but she's been remarkably supportive. I think it has to do with Ginny explaining the hayam to her. I don't really know exactly but it was comforting to have her on my side. Of course, now I'm fielding all sorts of uncomfortable questions from her about my future but it's a different atmosphere than what I experienced originally.

Maybe now that you have had some time to process, you'll at least begin to see my side of things, at least before I come home again. I want you to be happy for me because I'm happy and I'm happy with him. And, yes, I know that sounds terribly overdramatic and cliché but I've been taking lessons from my Aunt Sophia.

I have a very long day ahead of me here at the clinic, so I have to close now.

I do love you, Mama, and this will not be in any wastebasket.

love,
Hermione

Hermione,

How's Peru? I hope everything is going well for you there. As I told you at Christmas, I've been working for Fred and George in Diagon Alley. It's mad busy in the shop everyday, no matter if all the children are off at Hogwarts or not. I didn't expect that! I never saw myself as the retail sort but it's keeping me occupied while Harry is off finding himself with Ron -- no doubt wrecking havoc across the continent. Teasing aside, I think it's good he's gotten away. I wish I could've went with him but I think I was right not to. I think he needed time away from everything to figure out the future.

Have you heard from him? He told me that you gave him some very good advice about the future but he didn't tell me what you said. I'm tempted to ask but that would be cheating.

I've heard of him quite regularly -- he actually sent me a gift for Valentine's Day and it arrived a day or so early. It's a lovely little locket with painted flowers on it and I think it's from somewhere in Austria. I can tell he thought it was a very silly trinket but I adore it.

It wasn't the Valentine's Day I'd hoped for but it was enough for now.

With the way things are going at the shop, I'll be a rich woman when he returns. I've been able to save loads of money from work since the twins are paying me on commission and I'm the only salesperson that people trust to help them. No matter the witch or wizard, they're worried that Fred or George are going to play a trick on them when they offer their assistance. They're probably right!

Hope to hear from you soon!

love,
Ginny

Hermione,

My hopes that the holiday break would give the students a chance to expend the trying overexcitement that they've had in them since the Dark Lord's demise have been proven false as they've returned to Hogwarts more -- not less -- nauseating. When I expressed such feelings to the headmaster, he suggested that it might be time to consider a career change. It would serve the old goat if I did look into my options; fortunately for him, I am content to remain here for the time being, despite the students.

I hope that your efforts to mend damaged friendships in the wake of the revelations around the holidays have proved successful. If nothing else, I tend to think that you've been successful with Molly Weasley. I happened by her in town a few days ago and she took the time to stop and speak to me without any rancor or condemnation. I don't know what you did bring her around but I almost wish you hadn't since now she seems to think it gives her the leeway to engage me in chatter whenever our paths cross. I hope that this last meeting has disabused her of such a notion.

With excitement from all corners of the Wizarding World winding down, the truth of this new world is finally beginning to set in for many of us -- myself, included. After the false hopes of the Dark Lord's first "defeat," it's strange to try and accept that we have seen the last of him. Dumbledore tells me that I am much too paranoid to be content and that I choose to continue to be unhappy because I find it safer than the alternative.

There is some truth to it. Even now, simply by habit, I find myself doing things that are no longer necessary. When they were necessary, it was a matter of survival but now they are not, they are all of those things he calls them -- pessimistic, gloomy, paranoid. But too many cautious years cannot be changed by only a few months of freedom.

I would agree with him completely if not for you. You are a welcome distraction from all the old habits that I must train myself to forget and when I think of you, I know that there are some things that do make me content.

Perhaps I will improve upon practice.

yours,
Severus

PS -- I have enclosed something for you. I hope that these blasted birds do not lose it en route.

Severus,

Leave it to you to relegate a mention of your lovely gift to a hastily scribbled postscript. They are lovely, by the way, and I don't know how you managed to find matching stones when I have the necklace here with me. Don't tell me you got in touch with Madame Ljalja? If you are in contact with her, I hope you gave her all my best.

I agree with the headmaster about teaching -- if you don't like it, stop. There's no point in doing something you don't like, especially now. However, I think that you do enjoy teaching, despite the students and your colleagues and everything else you complain about. Your appreciation for it may not make sense to other people -- myself included -- but I think it's there nonetheless.

However, I do not agree with Professor Dumbledore when it comes to your paranoia -- we all are adjusting and some of us are finding it more difficult than others.

Harry, I know, is finding his newfound freedom daunting and has set off on an extended leave of absence from Britain. From Ginny's last letter, he's in Austria so hopefully he's making some progress. I haven't heard from him or Ron myself yet but we had settled things between us -- mostly -- before I came back to Peru. As for everyone else...my mother has written me and I have written back. She certainly hasn't changed her mind but she's very conciliatory at the moment.

I have no qualms admitting that I miss you -- when I have time to think about it. Things here at Nazca have been frantic since I've returned, to put it mildly. One of our apprentices chose not to return due to some family obligations and while the mediwitches are interviewing new applicants, we are all splitting the extra shifts between us. I'm trying to take as many as I can handle in the hopes of finishing my apprenticeship as quickly as possible. As much as I love this chance and the work I'm doing here, I want to be where everyone I know is only a quick Apparition away.

all my love,
Hermione

Dear Hermione,

I know I haven't written you in a long time. I wasn't sure if I was planning to but as soon as me and Ron ended up in Italy, I couldn't get you out of my head and I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. I keep seeing your face in my mind lecturing about all the things we've seen and done. I don't know which is worse, that I keep hallucinating you or that I remember enough of what you said to do it properly.

So, I'm sure that Ginny has told you about the trip that Ron and I are on. So far, it's been amazing, especially for Ron. I decided to do it all as Muggle as possible, so we changed our money at Gringott's before we headed to France by train. So far, we've been in France, Germany, parts of Austria, Switzerland and then we crossed into Italy. Ron doesn't know what to make of half of the Muggle things he sees and does but I think he's got a new appreciation for why his dad is fascinated by this stuff.

For all the fun we're having, I'm not any closer to knowing what I want to do with my life than I was when we left the Burrow. Ron keeps making all these outrageous suggestions -- the last one was something about goat-herding -- and I'm grateful to have some humor at this point.

I know you said I had the time. I'm trying to take it too but it feels weird not doing anything useful. It was actually nice when we stayed in this hostel where we had to do some chores to pay our room and board -- me and Ron are both really good at cleaning house and washing dishes. I guess it's all the practice we had over the years.

I tried to get Ron to write to you too but he says he's not. He did tell me to tell you that he hopes you're fine and that you're having fun in Peru, well as much fun as you can have working all the time. I think he's finally gotten over the whole Snape thing but he's just a little embarrassed by how bad he was acting at Christmas. I'm sorry, too, Hermione because of course we can't live your life for you but...

HONESTLY HERMIONE -- SNAPE!

Anyway, I really like Italy, so I think we'll stay here a while then either go to Greece or maybe Spain. I haven't decided.

sincerely,
Harry

Dear Harry,

It was good to hear from you and Ron. Ginny had told me about your trip and I'm glad to hear that it's going well enough.

I know you're frustrated about the future but -- just take your time, Harry. You're a wealthy young man who's already done more than most people do in their lives. If you decide to spend the rest of your life doing nothing but having fun, you've earned it. But since I know you'd never do that, all I can tell you is to take as much time as it takes to make the right decision.

What part of Italy are you visiting next? If you're heading to Tuscany, you should stop by a winery there called Artemisia della Agrotera and ask for the owners, Rosalia or Vincenzo. They happen to be my grandparents and they would be delighted to meet you both and put you up for a few days, free of charge. My grandmother will also feed you until you can't even think of eating another bite and my nonno would show you the entire vineyard. Perhaps you'll find that winemaking is more palatable than goat-herding.

In all seriousness, they would be glad to give you a place to stay and, don't worry, they know all about the magical part so you wouldn't have to hide anything from them.

Tell Ron that I hope he's having a good time as well and that I expect to hear from both of you -- in separate letters! -- very soon. I'm really busy here and it's nice to hear from you as often as possible.

love,
Hermione

Hermione,

I guess I should start off by saying thanks for the wedding present that you gave me and Victoria but she's busy writing and sending thank you cards so you'll be getting a proper note soon with all sorts of sparkle showers attached. She's mighty proud of them and they're really nice so I don't want to steal her thunder.

Anyway, how have you been? We've been really good here -- still in that honeymoon stage, as Maureen would say. We had to postpone the actual honeymoon until after Christmas but we spent a nice fortnight on a little tropical island in the Caribbean after New Year's.

Sorry I didn't write you back sooner but for a little bit after we got back things were unsettled and we were staying with the Gringles in Scotland but now we've got ourselves a nice little flat in London. She's busy decorating things and I'm working everyday, paying about as much attention to what I'm doing as Maureen did to classes on a karaoke night -- so basically, I spend the day dreaming about getting home to my little wife. Isn't love grand, old girl?

Speaking of love, how's yours doing? I hope that's working out for you. It'll take a mighty strong woman to deal with that but I guess you're up to the task. If anyone is, that is.

Well, I hope Peru is treating you well and that you're treating your patients well in turn. Again, thanks for coming to our wedding and we'll have to have dinner next time you're in the country -- you can even bring Snape!

your friend,
Wyatt

Severus,

I'm sitting here in Marisol's family home and, as lovely as it is here, I keep wishing that I hadn't made the practical decision to stay on this side of the world for Easter holiday. Of course, I'm having a nice time -- Marisol is as wonderful as always, as is her fiancé who I've met a few times before. Then there's her mother who has been very pleasant as well even though we don't understand a word of we're saying to one another since I don't speak much Spanish and she speaks even less English. With Marisol off with Carlos, I'm spend most of my day with her sister, Esperanza, who speaks excellent English and is trying vainly to help me with my Spanish.

Still, as I sit out here on the verandah and write this, I wish I'd skipped the invitation and just come home even if I would've spent most of my holiday traveling. It's not all that long until I'll be able to come home for the summer but time seems to have slowed for me and it can't approach quickly enough. Even this time away from Nazca is crawling at a terribly slow pace because I just want the summer to get here as soon as possible.

Sometimes I hate the practicality that I no doubt inherited from my mother.

When we go to services this evening, I'll be thinking of you.

all my love,
Hermione

Hermione,

I can't say that I don't share your wish even though I agree that it was smarter to simply visit your friend for the holiday. Time has always crawled for me at this time of the year with exams close but not close enough and the end of the term a seemingly unreachable destination. Your long absence has made the time even slower and I don't think that anything could keep me from speeding up the clock if it were within my power to do so.

The continuing saga of Draco Malfoy's trial hasn't helped my restlessness any. A verdict is expected any day now but it seems every time they draw close to an end, one side or another produces some new piece of evidence, some new witness. The general population remains divided and the issues convoluted. I have my own hopes for its ending but I'm also too superstitious to commit them to paper before the verdict is announced.

Since I have written the above, Hermione, the verdict has been announced: Malfoy is a free man. While he was found guilty of some lesser crimes, he is no longer incarcerated with only a few limitations placed upon him. The first is that he is under house arrest for the next year until the remainder of the trials have taken place. The public announcement did not say whether this is for his safety or for his punishment but I'd bet the former.

As soon as I finish with this letter, I plan on writing young Malfoy. I know you may not understand my loyalty to him even now but I feel I owe him some guidance at this point in his life. Hopefully with more positive -- or at least, less negative -- influences than the ones he's had in the past, he might remain on a path different from the one his father chose.

yours,
Severus

Dearest friend,

I am happy to be writing to tell you that Maureen and I have finally completed our time at Trinity. We just received our exam scores back and we've both managed to pass them -- wonderful news, right? Sometimes I didn't think we'd ever make it to the end and it's been so lonely without you and Wyatt!

After we do a lot of partying over the next week, we're both heading home. Maureen to the US and I'm going back to Canada. From there, I'll probably soon leave for Greece to visit my grandparents. While I'm happy to be finished, I'm very sad, too...it will be much more difficult to stay in touch with you either in Peru or England, me in Canada or Greece and Maureen back in the Muggle world in America. Despite all her love for magic, I think she's going to do like her mother and melt back into the Muggle world that she loves so much.

But we're all (more or less) Muggleborn here! We'll have the internet if nothing else. The world wide web is much faster and reliable than owl post anyway.

I hope your studies are going well in Peru. I hate that I'll be gone before you're back in Britain but we still need to get together when we have the chance. Shockingly, I think the person most upset about our leaving is Craig -- he and Maureen have become quite the pair since you left us and I think one of them is a bit sweet on the other. Of course, Maureen won't tell me a thing and that is never a good sign.

Even though our lives seem determined to keep up separated by miles and miles, our hearts are always close. I'll keep you in my prayers and my thoughts.

love,
Elena

Hermione,

I just received a most unexpected letter from Misters Potter and Weasley. Apparently, they are somewhere in Europe and would like to buy you a charm to match your bracelet -- the one I gave you for Christmas a few years ago. Because of this, they wanted to keep it in theme with your Animagus form -- which they seem to be ignorant of, hence their letter to me.

I don't know why you haven't told them yet but if you want them to know, please inform them yourself. I don't think it's my place to breach the student-teacher privilege of our lessons and if you want to keep your Animagus form a secret, it's your decision.

Although, I have to admit that it saddens me that they didn't realize years ago all they needed to do was check the public registry to find out that your form is a caracal -- especially since you were smart enough to know that when you were only a Third Year student.

If not from me, I would at least think they'd learned from you.

Sincerely,
MM

My favorite niece,

I hope that you and your mother are well on the road to making up or else she'll never forgive me.

For some reason, she keeps blaming "this whole mess" on me as if I put a gun to your head and said, "Please, cara, fall in love with some man that your mother is sure to disapprove of!"

Now, I might have thought it but I did nothing to encourage it. Really, not much at all. And I've spoken to her more in the last few months than I did all of last year – a fact some might see as a blessing but I am not one of those people. Even knowing that I have you to thank for it in some indirect way, I do not hold it against you -- you are still my favorite niece!

I never heard if you liked my gift. You did, yes? I thought it was marvelous and quite useful and practical. Of course, I do not know what you magical people have in terms of such items but every women needs some kind of gadget of that type -- for pleasure, you know -- and this is the best of its kind, I promise. Also, since I've been told that your lover is older than you -- your mother always reminds me that the difference is over two decades by her count -- you might need something like that for yourself.

Luckily, older means more experienced and there is nothing better than that kind of initiation. (I know you are looking mortified about now but I know enough of you to know that you are still a blushing virgin. You are Carolina's daughter, after all!)

Just trust me on this, cara.. There is a reason that my first husband was twelve years my senior.

Now that I write of seeing your face -- and I can well imagine it in my mind -- I realize how long it has been since we've sent time together, you and me. You must come to France and visit me this summer when are back from America. Bring your dashing wizard lover, even. I would like to meet him.

love always,
Sophia

Severus,

I hope your correspondence with Draco is coming along as you'd hoped; you're right that I can't completely understand but in some ways, I guess I do.

This isn't the first time you've done something that I don't understand and I'm sure it won't be the last. Just -- don't let yourself be drawn back into any espionage, if you can. You seemed sure that that part of your life was behind you when last we spoke of it. I'd hate for old obligations to draw you back into something you seemed glad to be rid of.

I'm sorry that my own letters have lagged. I wish I could blame the transcontinental postal service but I really can't blame anyone but myself. I recently had the opportunity to take on another project here at the institute and, after serious thought, I agreed. I don't think I've been this stretched for time in years and it's jarring to go from the relatively relaxed schedule of university to the demands on me here. Of course, it was my own decision and I don't regret it. If everything works out the way I want, this project will change a great deal of things for me. I'm giving it and my other duties everything I can which means that I usually fall into bed as soon as we finish our last meal. Marisol has been very helpful, taking over some of my daily chores around our bungalow.

I can't wait until summer is here and I can come home. I think I've missed being home more this semester than I have of any past and, yes, I contribute some of that to you. Frankly, it has to be you -- Harry and Ron, who I do miss, are currently somewhere in Southern Europe and my mother and I haven't quite recaptured our ease of communication. So at the moment, you are the most spectacular draw of home.

There's something that my American friend here sometimes says: "hurry up and wait." By that he means having to rush to do something, only for nothing to happen – at least immediately, as expected. I feel like the last few years have been nothing but that. First it was getting through Hogwarts, then Trinity, now Nazca...everything in my life other than study put on hold. It didn't matter as much...before. But now I'm finding it quite irritating.

Since I can barely keep my eyes open, I think it's time I close. I hope everything is going well for you and I can't wait until we're once again on the same continent.

all my love,
Hermione

Hermione,

Let me allay your fears: I have no desire to be drawn back into what you call "espionage." As I told you before, I am thankful to leave that part of my life behind me. Dumbledore served me well by making sure that I could quietly extricate myself from what is currently an extremely messy situation and nothing will induce me to render his efforts useless now by becoming re-involved.

However, I do feel that Draco needs some support and he isn't likely to find it anywhere else at the moment. Both his parents are dead and any allies his family might have had are implicated or imprisoned. Mistakes made after the Dark Lord's first "defeat" have created a judicial body and public who are almost devoid of compassion and understanding of anything other than complete defiance to the Death Eaters and their mission, though some of those that are now out for blood were the same ones who didn't believe in his return until it was almost too late.

As for your new project, I'm sure it's going well simply because I know how determined you are to succeed at everything you do. Although I can't help but wonder if you're pushing yourself to do too much especially since the school is still searching for new candidates, I have faith – misplaced, perhaps – that you've learned a little self-restraint over the last few years and you won't fall prey to overextension.

I well understand your frustration when you speak of having to "hurry up and wait." I spent most of my life doing the same thing as I waited for the Dark Lord to be vanquished, only to have it happen but know that he'd come back some day. It's a trying feeling, that of apprehensive anticipation. Of course, anyone who knew the truth about the Dark Lord or who knew to trust Dumbledore lived with the same knowledge of the inevitable and I think, for many of us, the truth of our freedom from it is only now starting to sink in properly these months later.

I just never expected to be one of the ones who'd have something worthwhile waiting on the other end.

Yours,
Severus

My dearest Hermione,

It came as a great shock to find two nice young men at my door a few days ago asking me if I was the grandmother of you. Yes, I say, and they explained that they were friends of yours, the great Harry and Ron I hear so much about all the time! They stayed for supper but would not stay for the night even when I offered most sincerely. They were very nice boys and polite and helpful and they insisted on cleaning the dishes after we ate. Your nonno liked them, too. What a nice surprise to meet them here at my home. It was like having a bit of you here with me, too, as we shared stories about you.

I have been meaning to write to you since Christmas about what Sophia told me and then your mother calling to say – that you have found a great love. That makes me happy to hear, for anyone. Love is such a wonderful thing for us all.

Carolina has told me of her concerns about the man in question and she is worried about you past expression by her words but I can hear it in her voice every time we speak of it. I hope you are not too hard on her, cara – your mother is a funny kind of girl and always has been.

I want to tell you a story, Hermione, about the first time I met William, your father. I confess that I did not think he would be a good husband for my Carolina from the moment she began to tell me about him, not only because he is not Catholic or Italian. No, it was other things, too. Your mother said he was a nice man, that he was smart, that they had the same goals to become dentists. She said he was quiet and unhurried and easy – nothing at all like my Carolina.

Of course, now I know that I was wrong and that William is the perfect one for Carolina and I will tell you when I knew for sure. It was the first time I met them together and Carolina took his hand and introduced him to me and in doing so, the two of them smiled at each other and I could see that they loved each other.

You see, the reason that I did not think that your mother should marry your father was that never in everything she said about him did Carolina say that she loved him and that worried me. Your mama, always so level-headed and removed – I did not want her to be marrying some pale Englishman only for his kindness and his interest in being a dentist. I wanted her to find the perfect match, the man who was for her to love forever. Lucky for everyone, William was that man and my Carolina had chosen with her heart for once and I was happy for her.

The trouble then and now is that Carolina takes that kind of love granted – she does not really understand it. Oh, she loves your father and knows he loves her…but she does not really know how lucky she was to find him because it was easy for her. Most people do not have that kind of luck and I am glad that one of my daughters had it. Sophia searches still and, like me, she understands how special it is. Me and your nonno, we faced very difficult times together but it was worth it because I knew he was the special one for me.

All the years that you were growing up so far from me, this was my worry for you. You were so much like your mother that I worry that you will learn to think with only your mind and not your heart. That would be such a tragedy for anyone but especially you because I can see the passion you have for the world around you. Of course, it used to be books and knowledge and then magic and then your friends – now, I am glad that it for this man if he treats you as he should.

Carolina tried to explain this hayam magic to me and I think I understand it. I also think it is a wonderful thing and that the wizard who made them was a great man to devote so much time to love. And it proves as I always thought that you have a strong heart and that you will listen to it. It seems to have led you to this wizard who loves you the same even though you were separated by everyone and everything.

To come together through that is a sign of great love, cara. Given what I know of you and from you and your mother and your aunt, I think you are smart enough to know the truth of this. You can see how lucky you are and I know how lucky he is. Make sure he knows this, too.

Love,
Nonna Rosalia

Nonna,

There is so much I want to say to you for your letter but, like my mother, I think it past expression in words.

Just -- thank you.

Love,
Hermione

Severus,

I know that I have promised faithfully over the past few months that I'd be home by the time the term at Hogwarts finished but I'm afraid that that's not the case. The second project in which I've become involved demands that I stay a little longer in order to complete it.

If current calculations are correct, I should be home by early July at the latest.

I have been pining for home almost since the day I left and now I've managed to disappoint both of us.

I'll see you as soon as I can.

All my love,
Hermione

Chapter 27 >>