I Never Thought It Would Be You

First Interlude - A Floo Conversation

By Pigwidgeon37

“Severus? Are you there?”

“I’m always here, Hermione. You should know by now.”

“Oh, I… sorry, I didn’t mean to… What about the lovely assistant librarian?”

“Don’t mention her, please, if you consider yourself my friend.”

“Oh… what happened? If you want to tell me-I don't want to intrude…”

“That's all right. I… well, I asked her out, and everything went well…”

“But?”

“She’s allergic to everything! There isn’t a substance on this planet that won’t cause her the most violent anaphylactic reaction, for heavens’ sake! Okay for the flowers-”

“Oh, Severus, how romantic! You bought her flowers?”

“Of course I did. They made her sneeze, so I incinerated them. Then we had a lovely walk to Hogsmeade-”

“No allergies, all the way down to Hogsmeade?”

“Strange, isn’t it? But the answer is no, all the same. An aperitif at the Three Broomsticks, but she's allergic to-”

“Let me guess… Rosmerta’s perfume?”

“No, silly. To alcohol. And she seems to have moral scruples, too, as far as alcohol is concerned…”

“Ah, Severus! Just your cup of tea!”

“Don’t even try to be sarcastic, it doesn’t suit you. Then we Apparated to Caligula’s for dinner.”

“Oooh, Severus! Classy indeed! My compliments.”

“Indeed. Thank you, Hermione. But it turned out she had an allergy to proteins, and to glutamates too.”

“Poor girl, what does she eat?”

“That’s the least of my worries, really. She had rice and boiled vegetables.”

“And you?”

“Beef fillet, just to spite her. With blood oozing out… I hate it, but at least it gave me the satisfaction of seeing her eyes pop out of her skull…”

“I suppose she didn't kiss you…”

“No, she didn’t. Maybe because I mentioned that uncle from Transylvania, but I’m not sure.”

“Severus, you utter bastard! How could you?”

“Easily, I assure you. Why did you call me, anyway?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, really… I’m afraid of the alumni meeting tomorrow.”

“Afraid? Hermione Granger is afraid?”

“Well, yes, in a way I am. All the girls will be there…”

“And the boys, too. So what?”

“Oh, I feel so stupid… Then again, we’ve become friends, haven't we?”

“Yes, Hermione, I daresay we have become friends. So you better tell me.”

“Oh, it’s just that everybody will show off their husbands and wives and children…”

“And you will only have your intellect to show off, is that it?”

“More or less, I think, yes… It’s stupid, really, because I know that I don't want that kind of life. Then again, this might just be a case of grapes-out-of-reach, you know? At least that's what everybody will think…”

“Mmmh… I see. But not every Hogwarts alumnus or alumna does have a family idyll, in fact, there's a lot-”

“Those I know do!”

“Are you saying you’re feeling inferior to the likes of Mrs. Wood née Brown?”

“Well…yes?”

“Hermione?”

“Mmmh?”

“Have you been watching that movie again?”

“I… er…”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Go watch The Gladiator, that is an order. It will stir up the right kind of hormones, not the nesting ones. So you’re going to be in the right shape of mind tomorrow.”

“Oh… you know, that might even be a good idea. Good night then, Severus, till tomorrow.”

“Good night, Hermione.”